I’ve been back in New Plymouth for just over 9 years now – the only reason I know how many years it is is because of Hartleigh – honestly if you asked me I’d say 4-5 years at the most – the time as flown! Hart is going to be NINE on Saturday. the last of the single digits for my June 2005 baby.
I thought it might be a good time to do a bit of a review of the past nine years.
I moved home (to Taranaki)
I had a baby
I got divorced
I bought a house
I put on weight (a lot as it turns out)
I sold the house (and lost more money than I can deal)
I lost the weight
I fell in love
I fell out of love
I got a tattoo (after 19 years of deliberation!)
I found some fantastic new friends
I’ve said goodbye to some who should still be here
I fell in love again
I resigned myself to the fact that insomnia is now my friend
I still fail at most parts of my life
I have succeeded in places I never thought I would
I know I’m not the person I want to be but I’m going to keep trying to get there because it’s the least I can do for Hart. Protect him from making my mistakes. If only!
My wee boy was admitted to hospital this week with a skin infection. Fortunately he recovered quickly and actually enjoyed his time in the ward, but that’s not the reason I’m writing this post, it’s because of the memories and feelings that being there brought up.
Amazingly my son was in the same bed in the same room as I was in some 35+ years ago when I went to have some warts (eeww) removed.
In the 70’s parents weren’t allowed to stay the night with their children, like they are now, and I was taken to the hospital by my ‘gran’ – who at the time was actually just my grandad’s girlfriend because my mum was working. Mum came up to see me after work, but I don’t really remember that, what I do remember is once visiting hours were over and the lights went out an overwhelming feeling of homesickness and wanting my mum came over me, so much so that I actually snuck out of my bed, down a set of stairs and intended to walk home because I didn’t want to be there. Fortunately the external door had a security guard and I knew I wouldn’t be able to sneak past him. We lived less than 2km’s from the hospital at the time so physically I could have made the trip but a 7ish year old, in pyjamas, walking along a main road would probably have raise some suspicion had I got past the guard.
This stay in hospital was my first real feeling of being lonely and alone, a rather awful feeling especially at such a young age and something that has travelled with me my whole life, popping it’s oppressive head into my life from time to time to remind me not I’m not so special. Another lifelong distraction has been my noise sensitivities, another reason I didn’t want to stay. Back then I needed complete quiet to go to sleep and a ward full of sick children is not often quiet, these days I need noise from something like a TV to block out the noise in my head.
I’m glad my son enjoyed his time in hospital, I’m even more glad I got to stay with him and make sure he was ok and happy. I’m also pleased that I have been able to recognise and exorcise some of the feelings and memories from my time there.
The chances of maintaining a 14 day photo challenge are nil! October is a very busy month for me and I have a bunch of personal and work related stuff going on so it’s no use kidding myself I can keep this up, I am even backdating this posts! So I’m just going to go random lol.
I’m not wonder woman this month but I’m working on it! I have currently over committed myself (again) so I’m playing a bit of cat and mouse in order stay on top of things. One big project is over at the end of the month (phew), and things will settle back into their normal schedule again.
In the meantime it’s plenty of wine, lots of Nickelback & Fleetwood Mac, and hard work!
1. having adequate or great merit, character, or value: a worthy successor.
2. of commendable excellence or merit; deserving: a book worthy of praise; a person worthy to lead.
Self-worth is in part how we treat ourselves. When we are in self-care mode we eat healthily, get plenty of sleep, keep stress levels down, and participate in things that make us happy. When we are in self-destruct mode we tend to drink too much alcohol, eat poorly, don’t get enough rest, and have increased stress levels.
In fact in times of high stress we should take the best care of ourselves because our minds, bodies, and spirits need all the help they can get to pass through the stressful period and come out the other side in a much better mental and physical position. However, it’s this very period in our lives where the self-destruct part of our personality tends to take over and exacerbates the problem.
I intend to at least take some steps to do some ‘self care’ over the next few months as our family goes through a period of very stressful situations. If I’m not looking after myself, I’m not looking after anyone else either.
This is my first weigh in for a couple of weeks due to a busy schedule and last week being out of town.
The scales were NOT kind to me, but I expected it, and with only two weeks left of the Biggest Loser at my clients office, I have to really get back on track asap!
As I’m not giving my weight on here yet, I have lost 9kgs which is actually an increase of 1.5kgs as I had lost 10.5kgs.
Alcohol has not been my friend, nor has that little calorie craver that sits inside my head, but she’s been banished back to her locked cell now and the kick ass yummy-mummy-in-the-making is back calling the shots!
Can I drop 4kgs in two weeks? You bet I can! No more excuses, time to get back to #operationyummymummy after all summer is coming, ready or not, and I am damn well determined to be ready!